sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
