wat bout pragnant strippers??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
