Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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