I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
