I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize