what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
