Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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