I cockslap morals
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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