she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
