he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
