I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
