he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
