i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
