nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
