I wish I could punch you in the face.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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