You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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