if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
