I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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