sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize