You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
