Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
