i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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