She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
