I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
