It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
