I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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