Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
