I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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