You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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