I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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