There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
