turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
