I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
