I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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