didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
