I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
