he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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