What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
