I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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