I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
