I'd wear matching sweaters with you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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