just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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