there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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