the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
