Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
