You don't have asthma, your pregnant
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
