yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
