blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
how does that bad decision feel?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
