i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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