u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
