I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
