I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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