can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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