Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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