my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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