I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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