I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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