You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize