My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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