so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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