I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
