Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
