Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize