Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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