I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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