My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
