Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He passed out mid-signature
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
