whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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