i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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