My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
