ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's never too late to be topless.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
