well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He better not be in your backpack
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
