It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
