I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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