Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
