and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
