Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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