So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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