did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
