hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i now understand why vodka
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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