don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
