so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
