I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
