Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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