I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
