I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
