If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
