Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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