Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize