Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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