It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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