just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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