I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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